Since I have moved out here the number one question has been, “So, what’s dating in LA like?” Google image and I had a little fun this morning, so here is what LA men have brought to the table so far.
Image googled: BRO
The bro is what most
frat rats men playing football on the lawn at USC look like. They are JACKED and take up all the weights at the gym while staring at themselves in the mirror.
My experience: “Men and girls came and went like moths among the whispering and champagne among the stars,” said the bro, mid club.
“Did you just quote The Great Gatsby?”
“Yea, girls don’t usually know that,” said the bro. What I was thinking, “wow this dude legit learned a line from a movie and thinks he can claim to be F. Scott Fitzgerald, but he is handsome.” What I said, “Yea, I mean it’s a Leo movie, at the very least most girls should know that.” This particular bro was also, in the black lights of da club seemingly wearing a white v-neck. Which was fine, I guess. But when we ventured outside, I became shockingly aware that his shirt was neon yellow. Yikes.
The short of it, the bro is great looking and great on a dance floor, but their intellect is minimal.
The Hollywood agent (which I have only met wannabe hollywood agents) are the men I have most likely spent the most amount of time with when out. This is because one of my great friends out here is actually the very famous Hollywood agent pictured’s assistant. These Hollywood agent wannabe’s are the great looking, charming boys who can sell ice to Eskimos. They work in “the industry” and talk about their connections to Lady Gaga and how Emma Watson is SO much prettier in real life.
My experience: These guys are great (seriously), but SO LA. They are (and need to be for their careers) so immersed in the material side of LA. They problem of dating one, they want to talk about their impact on the entertainment world, their desire to have fancy cars and how excited they are about the potential to bring you home so you can listen to “the next big thing.” Guess who has very little in common with this guy, a social worker.
Image Googled: Computer Nerd
Though you would think the computer nerds would stick to NorCal there are a select few of them down here. This image really doesn’t depict the Cali Computer nerd, but I thought it was hilarious so I went with it. The Cali computer nerd is much better looking than this, but they are still very computer nerd esq. They are the kind of men who tell you you are amazing and beautiful if you talk to them longer than 10 mins. This for me merits a second date, because who doesn’t like to be told those things/to get a free meal.
My experience: They are lovely, but are they gay!? Last night, I went on a double date with a friend and two iPhone app developers. He was very persistent and I felt as though, why not, plus the double date aspect gave a great dynamic of normalcy. Here’s the thing, you know how you have a best gay guy friend so they can compliment your clothes and tell you, you are fabulous. Welll….thats how the night started. It ended with my boo telling me he took dance classes when he was young and IN COLLEGE went through a phase of loving “pixies and mermaids” and he has a painting of some in his bedroom. Clearly, the phase isn’t over, but I feel no need to see the painting. Sorry buddy, I’m from Texas, I need a real man.
Image Googled: The Actor (I’m lying, I searched Taran Killam because I love him)
They are fit (generally), handsome and creative- all qualities that I enjoy in a man. They have a good sense of humor and came out here, just like everyone else, “to make it.” They are easy to talk to and easy on the eyes. Shockingly, these are my favorite kind of men out here, as of yet.
My experience: Since I, thank god, have an in with the improv crowd, the actors I have been around are make your face hurt from smiling and your abs stronger, kind of funny. On Sunday after church I met a few more of them and I found my husband: 1) you are at church(check). 2) you went to USC (check). 3) you are so handsome and I met you only because I was staring, but you were man enough to introduce yourself (check).
The problem is most actors haven’t thought of their plan b. I love that they are artists, but starving artist isn’t going to work with my social worker salary. But let’s be real, this could be my best bet yet.
SO that’s the long and the short of it. Yes, they are all good looking out here…compatible with kidcuddle, maybe not. ONLY TIME WILL TELL.
**this post is not to offend anyone, mostly just to publicly share my lack of success in the dating world out here so far**